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June 4th, 2005

05:23 pm


Jen re-invents herself.

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June 2nd, 2005

12:36 am - this cake is my body....

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May 28th, 2005

06:23 am

Still can't sleep, and will be up all night tonight with theloonies and unfortunately am too broke to purchase anything which will keep me awake...

I hate being up at this hour when I don't have cigarettes. And it's too damn cold to walk and get any. *grumbles* I wan't my own cigarette vending machine.

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: NIN-closer

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May 27th, 2005

05:19 pm - So True!

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01:41 am
I'm not sure you realise what you do,
To us, the ones with red marks painted on knees-
Purple inner thighs and grazed wrists.
We love this, because it comes from your hand,
Your first word can make or break one heart-
And in this power, we tell ourselves;
Your love resides.

Waiting all day is nothing and the pain,
I assure you I like, feels like dying-
But only of my body which I pledged to your moods.
We're never enough it seems, any day,
Bcause we see you as a world within a world-
Diorama perceptions of your dissasociative gaze;
We're attention's whores.

Lying beneath a thousand other feet,
For that one moment of your time and two simplistic words-
We're good girls in cold metal and latex for show.
Everyone's desire for what you alone hold,
Once made narcissism's reins hold-
Now their faces wanting us are blank, meaningless;
We are what your eye decides.

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May 26th, 2005

11:53 pm
My brother was curled up in my rainbow sleeping bag.
He looked to cute and paeceful I simply had to go pounce on him.

also- (paul youre a geek help me) why do those weird < span/> thingies come up on my entries sometimes?

tis rather confuzzling me.

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11:07 am
It only took forty minutes of convincing him that I *will not* kill myself but *i do* need something that is quick and harmless to knock me out when I'm feeling suicidal until I last out these withdrawls.
I am now the proud new owner of a purple sample pack of zyprexa, the anti-psochotic drug best known for its ability to turn thin girls fat, and smart girls brain dead.
Seeing as I am neither thin nor smart I think I shall be safe. *nods*
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Roler coaster tycoon theme music

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May 24th, 2005

06:43 am - insomnia epiphany # 376
And still she doesnt sleep.
It's getting ridiculous, because as much as I enjoy sitting up all night smoking cigarettes and watching info-mercials, I demand a break.
[Though I have decided a chicken rotisery oven is a must have]

Incidentally, I discovered that ants are attracted to tomato sauce and now am harbouring a civilization of the things in the cupboard. I considered fly spray, but I can't do it; an army of tarantulas would be less cruel. So I tried luring them into a jar filled with jam. I had romanticized images of the happy ant colony lined up neatly in their glass haven in which I could then gently tip them outside into their natural suburban habitat. Karma would treat me well.
Instead I attracted numerous other insects and the cupboard is now a "multi-cultural" communist regime with every insect for themselves.

My brother stumbled bleary-eyed into the kitchen and said "what are those black dots jen?"
I replied "rub your eyes and look again"
He did so and said "maybe the cat will eat them".

So I am now privy to the knowlege, (should I ever happen to be banished into a kitchen pantry for all eternity) cats are at the top of the food chain, and tomato sauce is at the bottom.

I'm glad I stayed awake all night to figure that out.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: the ants go marching two by two

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01:31 am
Robert, on the melbourne scene:

Achromatic says:
A bunch of pretentious fucktards, horny clowns, and bored housewifes.

thats so true.

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May 23rd, 2005

10:47 pm
The most amazing thing...
And don't you dare tell me I'm an idiot because it is amazing!
I was watching TV and there was a sad scene and I felt a connection with the characters and cried! I havent cried at anything on TV in...
Well since being on anti-ds.
And my brother made a random comment and I laughed. Not a fake 'noticing something ironic and being cynical laugh but an actual laugh.
Phisically I hurt and I have a migraine but I feel amazing emotinally.
I *feel* emotional!

I was outside smoking and I spoke to the little girl over the fence about her sandcastle and went and built a huge ass creation that rivals the Parthanon. We chased her mother through the house wearing aluminium pots on our heads. Then I sat with the mother I was previously chasing and drank coffee and cried and told her about what was going on for me. I told her *everything* She made me a cappachino with a pattern on top in chocolate powder and gave me a hug.
I'm feeling such connection with people and it's so overpowering.

I'm now dubious as to whether I should begin taking my "new" pills.
There's nothing attractive in being stable really is there?


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